hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
