her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have feelings that need drinking.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
