So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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