You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
