I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Randomize
