This girl is more easily done than said...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
