She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
