we have pet lesbian snakes
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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