I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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