We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
