i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
