Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
