I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
