I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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