I need help removing her.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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