idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
