dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Plan B is the new Plan A
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
