you're like a bully in the Christmas story
4 words: hood of his car
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
