By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
