At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
