He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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