Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
