..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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