he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i came on her dog
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
