I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
