just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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