Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize