Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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