found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
