Dual....:-)
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
