I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
