i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize