I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Let's get the cat blown out
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
