I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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