he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
