Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
