yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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