There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
