I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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