I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
