Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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