yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We got so high we made milksteak
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
