dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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