I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
