this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
