When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
