There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
