My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
