i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
