Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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