just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize