Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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