What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
