I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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