I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
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