I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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