is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
