it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
