they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
