Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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