I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
