We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize