I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
