Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize