I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
