Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
