I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
