Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
