i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
