I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
