please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
