I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
