Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
