i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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