I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dignity is for republicans.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
