I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
