now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
