i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
